Summer is here and that means our children who are school age are now home for an extra meal each day. For picky eaters, this can mean an extra moment of stress in addition to breakfast and dinner. If you are living with a picky eater, here are some easy steps to make family meals and snacks feel a little less stressful while helping your picky eater learn to engage with or eat a wider variety of foods.

Try These Tips for Less Stressful Meals With Picky Eaters

Fix the Chair

The first step to any meal is making sure that everyone is seated in a comfortable chair that supports their posture appropriately. Try to abide by the 90-90-90 rule which means our hips are at 90°, our knees are bent at 90°, and our ankles are flexed at 90° with our feet resting on the floor or a foot rest. It's important to ensure that the back and feet are supported. For children who can’t reach the ground, add a footrest in the form of a step stool, stacked books, or cardboard boxes. The foot rest should be high enough so that their feet can comfortably rest with the ankles bent at 90°. If the child is sitting in a booster seat, make sure that their knees hang over the edge and can bend at 90°, then add a footrest that supports their ankles at 90°. If the child is sitting in a highchair, make sure that the foot rest is adjustable to support their feet and that they are scooted forward enough in the seat so that their knees can hang over the edge. If necessary, add a pillow behind their back to move their hips forward so that their knees can comfortably bend over the edge of the seat. Eating is one of the most complex activities that we do and if our body isn’t appropriately supported, it takes more effort and energy just to bring the food to the mouth. This can lead to children preferring easier foods to eat such as processed and familiar foods because they require less sensory processing abilities and oral motor skills to consume.

Incorporate a Predictable Routine

Another way to promote improved engagement in meal times before we even sit down to the table is to incorporate some kind of routine before each meal/snack. This can be as simple as having them wash their hands before coming to the table. Maybe they're involved in setting the table or have a specific job of making sure everyone has a napkin. This transitional activity helps bridge the gap between whatever was going on before the meal to meal time, especially if meal times can be stressful for the child. Providing reminders to the child before it's actually time to eat can also help them prepare for the transition, particularly if they're participating in a preferred activity prior to the meal. This can be as simple as saying we're eating in 5 minutes, then again at 3 minutes, and another reminder at 1 minute. If you'd like, you can also set a phone timer with a pleasant ringtone so that your child can begin to associate that sound with meal times.

Always Offer a “Safe Food”

The next step is ensuring that at every meal, everyone has at least one preferred food offered. Ensuring each person has something "safe" to consume and fill up on calorie wise is the main goal of every meal. We want to make sure our children are feeling satisfied, safe, and meeting their caloric needs. Seeing one familiar or "safe" food on the table helps keep stress levels lower at the beginning of the meal. If stress levels increase, that increases the release of adrenaline which is an appetite suppressing hormone.

Try Serving Food Family Style

When it comes to serving food, try to have everything served family style. This allows the child to come to the table to see an empty plate, which is a lot less overwhelming than sitting down to a plate piled high with food and potentially food that induces a stress response. Have everyone take turns passing the serving dishes and serving themselves. For children who are capable, ask them to serve themselves as much as they want of each food. Allow them to take as much as they want of their preferred foods as well as their non-preferred foods. This may be tiny spoonful of mashed potatoes or one piece of broccoli if those are non-preferred foods. If a child is too young to serve themselves, have them participate in as much of the process as possible. That can look like having them help hold the bowl or spoon while you serve. Keep in mind appropriate portion sizes for small children. Between the ages of 2 and 10, children should be eating one tablespoon per their age of each food group. For example, if your child is 4 years old, they should be served 4 tablespoons of protein, 4 tablespoons of the fruit/vegetable, and 4 tablespoons of the starch/carbohydrate at each meal. Certain foods that are calorically dense such as peanut butter, cakes/sweets, etc... can be offered in teaspoons per age. If a child becomes distressed at the thought of placing a non-preferred food such as the vegetable on their plate, utilize a learning dish. This is a separate dish placed in the center of the table but within the child's view and within their reach where they can serve a small portion of whatever food they are not ready to place on their plate. If a child expresses that they do not like or don't plan on eating a food, respond with "That's okay, we can just learn about it." It's important that everyone at the table is offered the same foods and that each individual is in charge of deciding what goes into their bodies and even on their plates. If your child's preferred/safe food for that meal is crackers, make sure everyone at the table is offered the same crackers. As the adult model, place some crackers on your plate as well and demonstrate eating them. Everyone at the table can also utilize the learning plate. For example, if diets or food intolerances don't allow a member at the table to eat a certain food being offered, place that portion on the learning plate and state that that person will be learning about that food today.

Keep the Conversation Pressure Free

For the first ten minutes of the meal, everyone in the family should eat as usual, keeping the topic of conversation light and not centered around the food. This allows the child to keep their stress levels low while they meet their caloric needs with their "safe" foods. After the initial ten minutes, this is the opportunity to demonstrate interactions with their non-preferred foods or food that has been placed on the learning plate. Parents and other siblings can simply demonstrate different ways to engage with the food. Touching it, squishing it, stirring it, tapping it, etc. Keep the engagement light and playful and never force a child to engage with a food. Simply demonstrate the action, make it seem fun, and describe the sensations you may notice. For example "This cooked carrot is soft and orange." "You can squish it with one finger." "It makes a quiet sound when I tap it with my finger." Avoid words like "good" and "bad" or "tasty" and "yucky" when describing food. Keep the language surrounding food neutral and observational.

Create a Clean-Up Routine

When it's time to clean up, ask children to bring their plate to the garbage or sink and place each food into the garbage using their utensil or their hands to promote extra engagement. If getting the child to bring their plate to the garbage is a challenge, consider bringing the garbage to them or using a "bye-bye" bowl. This bowl can effectively act as the garbage and allows the child to interact with the food one more time before cleaning it up. When a child knows the food is going away, they are often more likely to engage with it. This is a great opportunity to see if they can get one step closer with their engagement. For example, if a child was touching the food during a meal, this may be an opportunity to demonstrate a goodbye kiss to the food. If a child was simply looking at a food and not touching/interacting with a food during the meal, this could be an opportunity for them to use a utensil to scrape the food into the bye-bye bowl or use their hands. Again, never force a child to interact with a food and let them work within their comfort level. If they refuse to engage with the food at clean up, see if they'll wave goodbye to the food as it goes in the garbage or bye-bye bowl.

The main goal of family meals or snacks is to ensure the child is meeting their caloric needs to maintain a healthy weight and growth pattern. For picky eaters, meals are an opportunity to show that food is safe and can be fun. We want to help keep stress levels as low as possible for everyone involved. This helps keep adrenaline levels low and appetites up. If these steps seem overwhelming, consider implementing just one of the above suggestions or trying to structure a meal like this one time a week. If nothing in this post seems doable, the most important thing is fixing the child's chair to ensure they are seated in a stable position that promotes optimal posture for eating.

Want a feeding assessment done in your home setting with your child? Contact us to set up a free consultation phone call.

Ditch the Stress at Family Meals this Summer